Have you ever cheated?  Or at least been tempted?  Have you been cheated on?  Most people I know have had some form of all these experiences.  It was interesting to read Gwyneth’s Paltrow’s take on the issue in a recent interview:

“I have friends who I love and admire who have had an affair.  When I was younger, I would have said he’s a terrible person or she’s a terrible person.  But who made these laws?”

Do you agree with Gwyneth?  I do.  I don’t think it’s the most unforgivable mistake and I adore many, many people who have done it.  I’ve also seen the pain and suffering it can cause.  I don’t recommend doing it.  It’s rarely worth the thrill from what I’ve seen.  But, it’s a complicated issue, don’t you think?  And since it’s happening so often, shouldn’t we look at it and talk about it honestly?

As I mentioned in my blog on marriage, it’s estimated that up to half of women cheat on their partners at some point.  I bet the percentage is actually higher.  Experts say that men are more likely to cheat because they cave in to physical desires, while women stray to meet emotional needs that are lacking in their relationship.  What are the main reasons for cheating, in your opinion?  Do you think a marriage or long-term committed relationship can survive it?

In my novel, Is This All There Is?, the protagonist Beth finds herself struggling to honor her marriage vows in the face of an opportunity to indulge in a tantalizing tryst with a hot young college boy.  Her girlfriend Shelly tries to get Beth to see what a huge mistake it would be.  Shelly, who has hot sex with her husband, represents women who understand the challenging realities of being a wife and mother, yet strive to make it all work.  When Beth and her husband Rick finally kiss each other in a moment of crisis, she feels even more vulnerable than she did kissing the college student.  She remembers something Shelly told her after a couple’s retreat: “It’s easy to kiss a stranger.  But with the person who sees the best and the worst of you, the one who smells your morning breath and your vomit when you have the flu… we’ll that’s the scariest kind of kiss.”

To counterbalance Shelly’s steadfast fidelity, I created the character Jill, who is based on a combination of women I’ve known.  Jill is Beth’s neighbor and by all appearances she has a lovely life with her husband and kids.  But Beth discovers that Jill has a dirty little secret, in the form of Kent, who she meets up with for steamy sex under the guise of being in a church choir.  When Beth can’t decide what to do about Dave, Jill eggs her on, encouraging her to join the club.  She tries to persuade Beth to believe that they both deserve to enjoy the thrill of passion, and that their husbands are incapable of providing it.  But Beth is torn.  It’s not easy for her the way it is for Jill.  Beth tries to listen to Jill’s adulterous accounts without judgment, but at one point she can’t help but bristle at how far Jill is willing to go, fornicating in the marriage bed of her lover and his wife.  Beth also can’t help but wonder if Kent would hold the same magnetism for Jill if they were married.  During one conversation between the two women, in her mind Beth ponders, “whether Kent would be so appealing to Jill if she had to share a home with him, had to wash his dirty dishes and clean his drips of pee off the toilet seat.”

Those are some of my initial thoughts on infidelity.  I’d love to hear yours.  Don’t forget the book will be available on 1/3/13.  Follow my updates on Twitter and Facebook:

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