Choosing Happiness
I’m inundated with emails every day. Are you? It seems most of us are. It can be frustrating because honestly, there’s often a bunch of inane time-wasting crap mixed in with some really urgent, important, potentially life-changing stuff. I was reminded of this fact yesterday when I finally watched a 12-minute video after 3 very well respected colleagues insisted I must watch it (the first was months ago). I went into viewing it with a negative attitude, feeling 12 minutes was way too long to devote to some supposedly brilliant talk on Ted.com. Not only was I dead wrong, but my negative attitude also seemed pretty ironic in light of what the talk was about.
I know a lot of people see the phrase “positive thinking” as new age, self-help, psycho-babble. If you’re one of them, give me a minute to try to change your mind. Check out what Shawn Achor, CEO of Good Think, Inc., had to say in the Ted talk I mentioned above, “The Happy Secret to Better Work.”
“If you can raise somebody’s level of positivity in the present, then their brain experiences what we now call a happiness advantage, which means your brain in positive performs significantly better than it does in negative, neutral, or stressed. Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy levels rise. In fact, what we’ve found is that every single business outcome improves. Your brain in positive is 31% more productive than your brain in negative, neutral, or stressed. You’re 37% better at sales. Doctors are 19% faster and more accurate at coming up with the correct diagnoses when positive instead of negative, neutral, or stressed.”
I know this is true because I’ve felt it. Haven’t you? When I stay focused on what’s good in my life and in my work, rather than how I wish things were different, I am more productive and feel better. But I have to admit that sometimes it’s a struggle for me. Some days, I feel great and I’m grateful for everything and everyone in my life. Other days, it seems as if there’s a dark cloud over me and life feels like too much to handle. I know I can turn it around myself by changing my thinking, changing my focus. I know Shawn is right when he says it’s not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us that determines our happiness. I just forget sometimes. I’m going to work harder to remember. Want to join me?
A while ago, I read a book called The How of Happiness. The author, Sonja Lyubomirsky, claimed that she had piles of legitimate research showing that only 10% of a person’s happiness is determined by external factors such as having money, a great job, even a happy marriage. Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor, made a compelling case for the notion that 90% of our happiness is determined by internal factors, factors we have control over, such as our attitudes, reactions to events, and taking part in activities that make us happy. This was a little hard to come to terms with because it forced me to take responsibility for my own happiness in life. I had to admit that it was up to me to choose to think and act in ways that would make me happy.
Most people would classify Is This All There Is? as a romance novel for understandable reasons. But in some ways, I think the search for happiness is the central question of my book. If you’ve read it, can you see how the negative ways Beth thinks about parts of her life are her biggest problem? Isn’t it painfully clear that she’s searching for happiness in the external world, which can only provide 10%? Can you imagine a different outcome if Beth had worked to change how she was looking at and reacting to things rather than trying to “add” something to her life?
So, today I am going to choose happiness. There are so many things to be happy about. Yes, I know there are plenty of things to be upset about too – we all have those. But we get to decide what we’ll give energy to and what we won’t. I strongly urge you to devote 12 minutes to watching Shawn’s Achor’s talk and to telling friends to watch. I would be surprised if you didn’t have a better day, week, and possibly life because of it. It also happens to be hysterically funny. And despite the title, it’s not just about work. It’s a philosophy to live by, every moment, in every situation. Maybe we can start a positive thinking revolution together.
Here’s the link to the talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html
Thanks for reading,
Patricia
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4 Comments
Couldn’t have said it better myself Patricia! Very moving! I definitely agree, with our change in attitude, we can see things in a totally new light. It is only natural that we are going to have those days where we feel out of sorts, but the most important thing is that we are able to pick ourselves up and begin fresh again. Positive thinking is not only important for ourselves, but it makes others feel just as good as we do. I would highly recommend Ted Talks as a form of motivation booster. Their videos are authentic with a message that can stick into your brain for the long haul. Keep these excellent posts coming Patricia! I look forward to reading more.
Thank you, Maria! I agree with you – the change in attitude is the key. I’m so glad I found Ted Talks too! We should all try to watch/listen to one a day!
The following message was sent to me privately by blog reader, Wanda. She said it would be okay for me to post it here. I love her honesty! Patricia
Beth was “negative” – sure – but she was ALSO exhausted. Her husband also wham bammed her which has always left me depressed. No kissing? Several times in the book, Beth hopes her husband kisses her but….he doesn’t.
So how is she supposed to be all happy and positive when the relationship she has committed herself to (forever) leaves her sad and underwhelmed? And then there is the factor of caring for young children, the household AND a parttime career?????
Oh, I understand the concept of positive attitude and affirmations and listening to Christian Rock and taking bubble baths, etc., etc., but nothing can replace the energy we receive from the connection we have or yearn to have with our ‘”lover.”
Thanks for understanding Beth and seeing why she made the choices she did, Wanda! When you put it all that way, it makes sense. And I suppose, that’s what I was trying to say in the book. However, what Beth did as a result of all the feelings you describe so well hurt her, her husband, and her children. It wasn’t the right way to handle the situation. If she could have tried to talk to her husband about how she felt, then if he didn’t respond or try, it would be time to think about splitting up or counseling or some other option. But she never had the strength to even open up the conversation until everything had fallen apart and she destroyed the trust in her relationship. As far as the connection we yearn to have with our “lover,” I know all women want that. I want it too. I don’t know how much of it is realistic and how much is fantasy that we’ve bought into because of the movies we see and books we read… especially after being married for a long time and raising kids together.
Thank you for your wonderful honestly and important points and questions!!!