Infidelity Happens
Is This All There Is? is about Beth, a woman who’s unhappy in her marriage to Rick and is tempted to have an affair with Dave, a young admirer. She’s also overwhelmed by mothering and work and longs for an escape.
While I did not want to glorify infidelity, I did want to show the realities of it. I’ve seen it time and time again with people in my life. My hope was that by showing how it can happen, even to good people, I could possibly contribute to prevention/understanding/healing/forgiveness.
I also didn’t want to portray a negative view of marriage. I’m actually very happily married and have been for 20 years. But it takes work and making it last has required letting go of a lot of my false notions about living “happily ever after.”
To be completely honest, most of the readers I’ve heard from who can’t understand Beth’s choices have not had the experience of being in a long-term marriage themselves. Most of the readers I’ve heard from who are or have been in a long-term marriage have either a) confessed to having affairs or b) said they can easily understand how it could happen.
Here are five surprising statistics I found that explain some of the reasons that Dave was able to come between Beth and Rick. If you want to check the original data sources, here’s the website: Facts About Marriage
- Due to jobs, kids, TV, the Internet, hobbies, and home and family responsibilities, the average married couple spends just four minutes a day alone together.
- A New Woman’s Day and AOL Living poll found that 72% of women surveyed have considered leaving their husbands at some point.
- One in three American marriages is “low sex” or “no sex.”
- Nearly 60% of married adults have had at least one affair.
- Nearly 90% of couples experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction after the birth of their first child.
** IMPORTANT BONUS** My wonderful friend and fellow author/blogger, Amanda Askel, asked me to write a new post on infidelity, so please click here to read it: Infidelity: The Exception or the Rule? There is a short video of Dan Savage explaining why monogamy is ridiculous that you must see!!!
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11 Comments
Great post! I believe these statistics are very accutate! I’m sharing this on my social media feeds!
Thanks so much, Jamie! I usually have more comments, but I understand this is a difficult topic to talk about. So thanks for being my one commenter on this post! 🙂
And thank you for sharing the post on social media!!! You’ve been so supportive and I’m so excited that you’re going to be a beta reader for the sequel.
Great post – your insights are spot on!
This is a very insightful, as others say. A reminder that we are all human!
Thanks for posting this! I think readers who can’t or won’t acknowledge that this sort of thing happens quite often have their heads in the sand. I caught a lot of flak for my first book, because my hero was seeing a woman who was separated. Even though she’d lied to him and told him she was divorced, some readers considered this infidelity on his part and therefore unacceptable. Nothing is so very black-and-white, especially when it comes to long-term relationships.
Very scary statistics. I still want to get married someday but this is truly a wakeup call. Sometimes I joke that the good thing about my (hopefully) getting married a bit later in life is that there is less time for us to be unfaithful or otherwise miserable 🙂
Thanks, Julie! I know you’ve been married about as long as I have (and happily too – for the most part – I think we both agreed 99% right, even though that 1% is really miserable!), so I’m glad you think I’m not too far out in left field here! Thanks, Ruth. Yes, I’m a big fan of exploring the ways we’re human and flawed, yet resilient and wonderful too! Jayne, another big thank you! While I love romance books, for some reason I feel compelled to write this hardcore tough reality stuff (mixed in with romance). I guess I have a need to bring those gray areas to light. I really appreciate your affirmation of that. Meredith! Thank you for your honest comment and please don’t be scared! You have the best chances of all of having a long and happy marriage! The highest divorce rate is for those who marry before 25 (that’s me, so whew, I dodged that bullet, at least). The couples I know who got married in their 30s and 40s are the happiest in all my circles. I was blessed to co-officiate the wedding of a dear friend who got married after 40 and it was the greatest gift because I could genuinely gush about how gaga in love they were/are and how I know there’s nothing that will ever tear them apart! (Love you, if you happen to read this, Jamie!)
Informative post, Patricia. It’s so important for single AND married people to realize that marriage takes work, just like you said. And because we never really know what goes on behind closed doors in other relationships, it’s easy to assume that someone else has it better, which can be very dangerous. Marriage has rewards that can never be measured, but it has to be entered with realistic expectations. 🙂
Yes, Shelly, I agree completely. I wish there could be more conversation about the work, because if we do it, the rewards cannot be measured, as you said so beautifully! I think I’ll have to write a post soon about how wonderful marriage is, when you have realistic expectations and do the necessary work!
The study result shows it all, Infidelity the marriage killer! is a big problem in married life. But in some cases it might be just a misunderstanding. If u have any doubt on your partner i think you can consult a Private Investigator. They can solve or clear all your doubts. You can save your marriage by consulting a Private Investigator. Thanks!