SEXth

“So… how many times a week do you do it?” Is anyone you know bold enough to ask that question in a group? It happens once in a while when I’m with girlfriends and I love it, especially when the truth serum of alcohol is involved. I’m rarely the one with the courage to ask, but I’m always grateful to whoever did. Answers I’ve heard recently ranged from, “can’t even remember the last time, about three months ago,” to “once each night and twice every morning.” And I kid you not – that couple has three kids, the oldest in college. You go, girl! I’m curious about what causes the wide range in levels of interest and activity. We all know the sex is hot, steamy and frequent early in a relationship. But what leads to the differences later on? Physical issues? The degree of emotional intimacy? Unresolved hurts and conflicts? Busyness? Is it different for same sex couples? I hope you’ll share your thoughts so we can learn from each other!

Here’s the truth for me. My husband and I seem to be below average on this one. According to multiple sources (what did we do before Google?) the average married couple has intercourse 2 to 3 times per week. We average once a week. In my defense, isn’t quality more important than quantity? It may only be once a week, but these days, it’s pretty damn good. I look forward to it. I enjoy it. Unlike the main character in my book, Beth, whose interest in sex with her husband has vanished entirely, for understandable reasons, I’m still into it. In chapter five, after downing enough wine, Beth confesses to her friend Shelly, We probably do it once every two weeks or so, just a quickie under the covers in the dark.” Has it gotten to that point for any of you?

Has your interest in sex declined with age? According to menopause.org, women are two to three times more likely than men to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age, commonly beginning at around 40. I have to admit that I’ve noticed this myself. If you’re over 40 like me, have you felt a change? As much as I adore my man, sometimes I need a little something extra to get in the mood… and thankfully he’s open to providing whatever I ask for. I’ll let your imagination run wild with that one. Don’t get all Fifty Shades of Grey on me though. Reading Anastasia and Christian’s escapades can get the fire burning, but I’m not so sure about doing any of it myself. What about you? Anyone out there want to educate us about the joys of S & M?

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Laura Berman, says the biggest turn on for women is being desired. Do you agree? If a woman doesn’t feel desired by her partner, is she more likely to seek attention outside her relationship? When Beth reflected on the pull she felt to read and reread flirtatious emails from her former student Dave, she admitted, “being desired in this way was my new drug and I was starting to need a daily fix.” In next week’s blog, we’ll take a look at the realities of infidelity.

Writing this blog post has inspired me to increase my weekly average. Are you inspired too? I hope so. According to WebMD, by having more sex we can reduce stress, boost our immune system, burn extra calories, improve heart health, increase self-esteem, and much more. If you want the full story on the benefits, check this out: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex?page=2.

Please comment! You can always use a fake name – just tell the truth – please! Let your friends know too and join me on Facebook and Twitter!

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And last but most important… Don’t forget the book will be available right here on January 3!