Showing Your Privates

I don’t regularly seek the counsel of psychics, but I’ve been known to dabble, just like Beth.

I smiled as I sat cross-legged on a dusty wood floor facing the adorable, sweet little dark haired, pale faced youngster.  She was telling me all about how I needed to make life more fun, simple, and easy.  It was true, but isn’t that true for all of us?

I wondered what she would think of the book that had been abandoned in a file on my computer for years.  I told her nothing about the genre or story, I simply said that I wrote a book and was considering self-publishing it.  For all she knew, it could have been a treatise on quantum mechanics.  She paused, drew in a long breath and asked me the following question:

“Have you ever heard Lady Gaga’s quote about what it feels like to share her music with the world?”

“I don’t think so,” I said.

She looked deep into my eyes, grinning with excitement.  Then she took a quick glance over each shoulder and leaned in close.  After all, we were out in the open in a little corner of a metaphysical bookshop in Santa Monica.

“She said it’s like opening her legs and showing everyone her vagina.”

“Oh.  Wow.”  I wasn’t sure what else to say or where she was going with this.  Not the type of quote I’m used to, but interesting, nonetheless.  And I’ve always liked Lady Gaga.

Then it started to hit me.  She opened her eyes wide and nodded emphatically.

“That’s what this book is like for you.”

I laughed.

“Yup.  That’s exactly what this book is like for me.”

Fast forward… as of today, only a few people have bought the book but well over 100 people have received complimentary review copies.  Each of these people has or will review the book publicly – on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads, blogs, etc.  So here I am, vagina for all to see, just as that strangely cheery psychic forewarned.

The beautiful thing is that while I was so concerned about how hard it would be to allow myself to be that vulnerable, I couldn’t have imagined what I would receive in return.

I’m beyond humbled and honored by the things women have shared with me about the emotions my book stirred and also about their lives and struggles.  The intimacy I feel with these women – all across the country – is not something I was prepared for.  Apparently Beth’s honesty and willingness to show her dark underbelly has made some women feel safe to do the same, and that is unbelievably gratifying. I don’t always know how to respond, and I worry that some of my responses to the deeply personal messages that have come my way seem trite.  Please know I’m doing my best, and I am sincere.  Hopefully I’ll get better at all this.

You can find the public reviews online, but what I wanted to share with you here are a few comments from the exquisite, uplifting, heartbreaking, healing, and validating private emails from women who’ve read the book.  I could paste countless inspiring lines from their messages, but because I know blogs are supposed to be short, I’ll select just a few that are representative of many more:

“I think the isolation that Beth felt is so common amongst married mothers, but it’s not something we can share for fear of persecution.  Our friends, parents, even coworkers might judge our discontent.  I think this isolation is probably a huge factor in why many women are enabling their hearts to stray.  I am like the many women who have the ‘what if’ thoughts.”

“Marriage is probably the hardest job on Earth, harder than parenting, I think.  Being a parent is automatic.  You don’t choose your children, they are gifted to you, it’s like your heart walking around outside of your body.  You do everything in your power to protect, encourage and nurture your child.  Your marriage is different.  Your spouse was chosen by you, years and years ago.  It’s entirely possible that you’re both completely different people than you were then.”

I also want to thank the wonderful women who updated me regularly while reading the book, adding excitement and fun to my otherwise routine days when a new message popped up in my inbox.  Here’s just one example:

“Hi! 

Ok first of all, I just started reading your book literally.  Just your intro is superb.  I have a feeling this is going to hit home with me!

Hi!

I’m 50% into the book and OMG girl, this is so close to home!!!!  LOL.  I love it!  Beth is some of us.  To feel wanted, desired, seduced and needing passion in her life!!!!   I’m loving this!

Hi!

I finished the book!!!  I am breathless!  Um… My feelings for Beth are still strong.  We do have choices that we make that may seem right at the time.  But that’s what they are, choices, you’ll learn from them.  I don’t judge anyone for making different choices.  But I do understand why.  It’s an honor that you have shared this with me.  I look forward to many more of your upcoming books!  Thank you again for making me a part of your world.”

From the reader who shared with me the pain of having lost a baby (I didn’t know an email from a stranger could make me cry) to the woman who admitted that she’s struggling to end her extramarital affair and reading Beth’s story was helpful, I thank you all for trusting me, for affirming me, for hearing and feeling exactly what I was trying to say with my book.

While I’m ecstatic about how positive most reviews are so far, I also want to express heartfelt gratitude for the reviewers who didn’t like the book, or didn’t like parts of it.  Their honest feedback is incredibly helpful to me.  And their public warnings to others who might feel the same way – steering them away from the book – are actually much appreciated.  This book is not for everyone.  I’m very aware of that.  I genuinely appreciate all the public reactions so that potential readers can make an informed choice.  Especially since someday, hopefully, people will actually start buying the book, and I wouldn’t want anyone to regret that purchase!  I’m also working on a sequel and I’ve especially taken into account feedback for improvements so I can do a better job the second time around.  I’m a babe at this, and I do realize that.

I could be fooling myself, but I tried to check and double check myself and I still don’t feel my intention here was to brag about nice reviews.  It was to share with you that showing my privates wasn’t nearly as scary as I expected it to be, and to encourage you to consider showing yours too, whatever kind you have!

Since I started this post with talk of showing my vagina, why not take it all the way and end with a great quote from one reader who wanted to make me feel good (and succeeded) by complimenting my testicles:

“Seriously, the enormous set you must have to put that all down and then lay it out for the world.  HUGE.  Just saying!”

Thank you all!

Patricia

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